"UNCLE"

I'm very tired and craving a bagel and cream cheese. I wanted to update my chemotherapy changes.
After 4 treatments on 5-FU and oxaliplatin - I'm bidding it farewell...praying it has done it''s work and will continue to do it's work. Dr. Clark told me to return to his office this week with one word - describing how I felt after this treatment. I did. "Uncle". This last treatment was horrendous. Hot flashes, cold flashes, nausea, nausea, fatigue, neuropathy to the point that gloves no longer provide protection from anything - cold or medium or hot. Then there was nausea, fatigue, nausea, nausea, fevers, nausea and fevers. I do not believe the impact of this particular therapy has come full circle...yet. I had done all of the research I could do. I knew, intellectually, what was coming. Intellectual knowledge is good. I believe in it. It could be said it would be like telling you, I know about China. I have a little (very little) knowledge about China. However, if I was set loose in the country of China, you would find me curled up into a fetal position, sobbing for my mother. I would then say, I read about China, I never knew it was like THIS. The language barrier would overwhelm me right off the bat. Same thing with oxaliplatin and Modified Folfox 6. I was not yet to the point of begging for my mother, but I was crying "uncle"....and this uncle has no name other than "enough".
Next Tuesday, God willing, I will begin taking 5-FU and Leucovorin. I will take at least 2 rounds; 6 weeks on; 2 weeks off. Depending on how things look, there may be a round 3. I've been forewarned. Since I have had 4 treatments with these MAJOR (yes, they are ALL major) drugs, I will be closely monitored. Yes,I know you want to know what I wanted to know: side effects. Mouth sores (I do the treatments for this already), diarreha (spell this, ok?) and low blood counts. I'm already experiencing this. If you come to visit, you will find me masked and gloved. There are others - and if there are others, I am pretty sure I will experience them. A friend said, whatever is on the list - expect it. I do and will remain very pleased if some pass me by. I've read enough cancer memoirs, I know how very, very bad these treatments can get - to the point of death. I am not there - not by a long stretch.
So, with a calendar in hand that means therapy will be complete on either: August 10 or October 5 - depending.
The big question: how long will the cold/hot flashes last? It will be slow to leave my system. I hope since it's going to be slow....it will kill a lot of cancer cells while it's departing my body. A LOT of cancer cells. If I must have cold/hot flashes and neuropathy, it should remain at it's post - smashing those nasty bad cells to pieces.
I have a new visual that some of you can relate to. I am not too much on visualization, but this one was part of my childhood, so it was easy. Remember when you or your someone in your family got a new toy gun and it came with a roll of caps? We got tired of trying to get them to fire in the gun, so we would take them out of the gun (or box) and lay them on the driveway....grab a small hammer and "bang, bang, bang" those caps until they were totally demolished. That's my visual in this battle. Cancer cells are caps and God along with these drugs are the hammer. Works for me.
I love your comments - either on the blog or via email or phone. I am not alone. God is right here, all of the time, hot flashes, cold flashes, nausea and funny moments, either here or at doctor's offices. There is a great deal of love floating around out there. Do you even know your impact - covering people with prayer; bathing them in cards and caring; that is mercy. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. I could list a list of people a mile - 40 miles long or longer who have shown not only me and our family, mercy, but to everyone they come in contact with.
As for me and for our house, you bless and restore us daily.
As always, any questions, comments...anything you'd like to say or mention is welcome. I still hope this is a small way of helping one another along the way.
And a special mention for my vacuum angel: you just rock. Thank you, Peggy.
My brother is back in the hospital for some medication adjustments. Praying this will relieve the ongoing Afib situation.
My niece mentioned her little 6 yr old friend, Cameron. He has leukemia and has yet another treatment coming up. As a mom with a chronically ill daughter, my heart just goes out to his parents. Life is not for the lilly-livered, that is certain. God bless and keep us.
love to all, kathryn