Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Jim and Kathryn Memorial Day Weekend --- the one we shared with Ruthie, who took this photo...good job!

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Post Chemo Stuff....A Good Day

Ok, it's me. I'm doing well today. This was a long day as I saw Dr. Clark then had hydration and chemo. Hydration (saline) is wonderful. Chemo drugs are drying. I talked to another patient as she has the same problem. We're just dry (we can sing a few dry I am, how dry I am). I'm thirsty all of the time and drink all of the time. I said if only we could sit in a full tub of water and just drain it all of that water right into us. If only. So we drink and drink and drink and then ask kindly for a bag of saline. ahhh. Our trip to the tub. Sweet relief for a while.
It was a full house when I arrived at noon. There were 2 chairs left in the infusion center. Pray for these people. Some are there for different disorders; receiving infusions for different things. So many battles; so many personalities; so many, many dear and precious people.
My sitting partner was with me again today. Peggy and I closed down our room...I was the last one out. We laugh and have such a good time. If you should want to stop by at 10:00 next Tuesday - come on by. We can drag up a chair.
Yesterday was a dose of reality. It wasn't really to whine, it was a time to state reality to myself. And I think I've very, VERY, fortunate. I see a lot; I hear a lot. I am a walking example of the power of prayer --- not because of me...not at all....but because of HIM. Because of YOUR prayers. "Because of who YOU are (God)". I know I am doing as well as I am because of God's power, Your prayers and thoughts and desires.
Please walk on the beach for me and drink in all of that salty air on the beach in NC. That is holy ground to me. I feel closest to God while walking the beach, listening to the waves, drinking in the beauty and vastness of the sea, the warm sand on my feet...the weight of the sand, watching the ocean birds and watching the sea grass waving in the wind. (this is to Bill and Donna). Say hello to the Wright Bros : ) And enjoy all of that seafood and yourselves. A needed respite.
I miscounted somewhere along the way....perhaps missing the week I couldn't have chemo. I have one more round, and will then enjoy a two week break from chemo and neupogen. I will still have hydration and blood work - piece of cake. Ruthie said, ah! Spring Break!! Yes, only I won't be hitting Fort Lauderdale. I will rest up and get ready for round 2...and watch the beach on the Travel Channel.
God bless to all, kathryn

Monday, June 7, 2010

Whining Always Helps

"If you wish to preserve your secret, wrap it up in frankness."
-- Alexander Smith
It's been one of THOSE mama said, that kind of day.
I do want to give a high five to the nurse who gave me my shot today. She did an outstanding job. Never felt a thing. I like that girl and she was funny and kind.
As for whining...I was half napping, half not, and thinking about what I miss at this point in my life. I realize this is a temporary state. But I do miss some things....I miss: my mind, my energy, having eyes that work well, I so miss digging in the dirt and weeding my garden and having pots of flowers to tend to, reading a book and retaining what I've read, the ability to go to the grocery store without having to look like the Mad Hatter...rushing to get out of the cold...I so love to to piddle around Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Sunflower Markets, I miss cooking, I miss digging around in the refrigerator and freezer, I have to rely on Jim for anything in the freezer (and why do I need anything from the freezer?..sometimes I just do), I miss ice cold anything - Coke, tea, water, orange juice etc, I miss ice cream and shakes (Chick Fil A shakes...yum), I miss having an appetite,and when I have an appetite, I miss eating anything that sounds good - as soon as I get something I think would be perfect, it's not, I miss Mexican food, (can you see a theme starting here?), I miss being able to walk around any store without feeling I will fall down from fatigue, I miss walking fast, I miss having skin that resembles real skin..some days I am a funky shade of yellow, gray or green - I don't have perfect skin, but it was better than this, I miss having use of my fingers - wondering if I will ever have normal feeling in my hands and feet again. I wanted to sew today and just had no energy for it. I'm a planner and I've had to learn to 'just go with the flow'...good day, pace myself; bad day - hit the bed. I miss tasting food as it should always tastes good initially, but it just doesn't seem to last. I think I thought enough today.
As Joni Mitchell once sang, "don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Sing it Joni.
I'm fine, just fine, really, fine. This is my journal and my journey. Sometimes you just need to say what's on your mind. Tomorrow, big girl panties will go on and it will be a better day.
love kathryn

Sunday, June 6, 2010

A Sunday Blessing

It was a neupogen morning; then we went to worship. The a/c was out; we had an abbreviated service. It was wonderful and sweet to me.
Are we in control of our lives? If not, who is? God. The Creator, the one who holds all of this universe in the palm of His hand. This evening, I read this on a devotional - it so completely fits with the our worship today. Clint did an outstanding job leading us in our singing. Though many were out today, it was beautiful.

Sunday’s Reflection: . . . CAN I TRUST YOU, GOD? Can I trust you to be who you say you are? Let me relax in the assurance that you are bigger than my greatest worry. With you I am safe. . . .

- Missy Buchanan
Talking with God in Old Age: Meditations and Psalms

I think that sums it up

Lightening is flashing across the skies. Probably a heat storm, but it is encouraging to see an indication that the monsoon season will soon begin.

With love and blessings, thank you for your support for me and for all who are coping with so many health problems. I know there are many problems people are coping with...thank you for praying so faithfully. kathryn

Friday, June 4, 2010

How To Travel With Class -- To The Cancer Center

People who know me well, know I like to have my things with me. Jim would say too many things and way too close (see the floorboard on my side of the car).

I told you about shopping at Ross a few months ago...and the "very special cart" I found. I dubbed it my Hopsing Cart (appreciation to the cook on "Pondorosa"). I thought you might want to see how I travel to the cancer center every week. Of course things change in my cart...sometimes there are more magazines, other times, it's coloring books and crayons. I even took my knitting the past two time. I only knit one time. I have to concentrate very hard now to stay within the pattern...but it's a good exercise for my brain.

Doing pretty well today. My hands and feet are bothering me; neuropathy. My acupuncturist is very conservative and there was only 24 hours between chemo and no hand/foot work this week.

Just made the best biscuits I've ever eaten..and I do make some mighty fine biscuits. These are as light as a feather....and eating with a British fine cut marmalade. Yum.

I'm borrowing a little bit of a piece from Streams today (I'm reading a bit behind..this was perfection to me).

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this." Ps 37:5

The literal meaning: "Roll your way onto Jehovah and trust upon him and He Works!" This brings out attention to the immediacy of God's action once we commit, or "roll," burdens of any kind from our hands into His." At this point it is out of our grasp, and we are not to try to do it ourselves. He is really at work on our difficulty! I wish I could share the entire reading. Key words to me:
"He Works, Now! Commit to roll it onto Him. Praise Him for his Word is True."
"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me." Ps 57:2

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Would This Be Beethoven's Fifth?

Treatment number 5 is now under my belt.
Pictures will follow tomorrow. I am a sweaty mess right now, would hate to scare anyone. I was freezing most of the day while receiving chemo. I had three blankets, stacking them to my neck, with a heated rice bag - everything up to my neck. Peggy was with me today (such a blessing and so good to laugh and good). She kept me well tucked in. Then comes the hot flashes....beyond anything menopausal. They are like being set on fire. Then back to cold.
Today we homemade egg salad sandwiches (thank you for preparing them Peggy), apples and cherries. And I drank a lot of water. I can do's just not always fun - that over watered feeling is not always a good feeling...but I'm trying my best to get in my 2 quarts a day.
I cannot stay hydrated, so they added that to my weekly regimen. I'm thankful. I don't care for that "Twilight Zone" feeling.
We also met some new people. I am a Tuesday girl, however, it was good to meet these people and hear their stories. So many stories, people from different places around the state. We get to hear about their everyday lives and we get to listen to the long list of side effects. Every one's experience is unique to them.
People want to share...we want to be "normal" in our very abnormal state. Dr. Clark will often say, "well (whatever side effect) that is on the list". Peggy said, it must be good to be on the list. Yes, it is. For a long time all I heard was "well, you are the exception." Sometimes that's kind of fun, but not in the world of cancer. You want to be well within a norm; whatever that means.
We have dinner ready this evening. I cannot, cannot thank everyone enough for their kindness, their willingness to stand in their kitchens and prepare food for us. Everything that has come into our home has been delicious and exactly what we needed. That's God's precious care as well as your precious hands and feet, preparing food. Such a rich blessing. How beautiful are the hands that serve....
Just tired this evening, but doing well.
Jim is doing better today. He still has a sore throat and bad cough. He just wore himself out. He's been a tremendous caregiver/taker. It's time he gets some rest and take care of himself too.
Molly has been struggling with a very high pulse rate which is very tiring. Her cardiologist is working hard to help her get regulated. When she stands she says it's like she's running a marathon - only thing is, she is simply standing, not moving. I pray they find the right drug combination soon. As always, she continues to work and live her life as best as she can. Like me, she gets weary of napping. (we are the Go Girls). : )
Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.
Good night to all,
With love and affection to you all, kathryn