Whining Always Helps

"If you wish to preserve your secret, wrap it up in frankness."

-- Alexander Smith

It's been one of THOSE days...like mama said, that kind of day.
I do want to give a high five to the nurse who gave me my shot today. She did an outstanding job. Never felt a thing. I like that girl and she was funny and kind.
As for whining...I was half napping, half not, and thinking about what I miss at this point in my life. I realize this is a temporary state. But I do miss some things....I miss: my mind, my energy, having eyes that work well, I so miss digging in the dirt and weeding my garden and having pots of flowers to tend to, reading a book and retaining what I've read, the ability to go to the grocery store without having to look like the Mad Hatter...rushing to get out of the cold...I so love to to piddle around Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Sunflower Markets, I miss cooking, I miss digging around in the refrigerator and freezer, I have to rely on Jim for anything in the freezer (and why do I need anything from the freezer?..sometimes I just do), I miss ice cold anything - Coke, tea, water, orange juice etc, I miss ice cream and shakes (Chick Fil A shakes...yum), I miss having an appetite,and when I have an appetite, I miss eating anything that sounds good - as soon as I get something I think would be perfect, it's not, I miss Mexican food, (can you see a theme starting here?), I miss being able to walk around any store without feeling I will fall down from fatigue, I miss walking fast, I miss having skin that resembles real skin..some days I am a funky shade of yellow, gray or green - I don't have perfect skin, but it was better than this, I miss having use of my fingers - wondering if I will ever have normal feeling in my hands and feet again. I wanted to sew today and just had no energy for it. I'm a planner and I've had to learn to 'just go with the flow'...good day, pace myself; bad day - hit the bed. I miss tasting food as it should taste...it always tastes good initially, but it just doesn't seem to last. I think I thought enough today.
As Joni Mitchell once sang, "don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Sing it Joni.
I'm fine, just fine, really, fine. This is my journal and my journey. Sometimes you just need to say what's on your mind. Tomorrow, big girl panties will go on and it will be a better day.
love kathryn