Treatment #5...what's next??

I had a long day at the cancer center. Arrived at 9:30am. I arrived home at 3:10pm and instantly fell into a deep, coma like sleep.
Though I still have problems with cold (no idea of how long this will last), I didn't have that immediate COLD impact. My teeth didn't get cold, my hands didn't instantly freeze. No Oxilaplatin. There is a part of me that is thrilled, yet there is this other part of me that will pray this was the right decision over the long haul. I could no longer deal with the side effects. I was so sick - 11 days of nausea and no relief from feeling so bad. There will be side effects with this drug, I'm just not sure how they will "play out".
I have a ministry I can do. I can make corn bags. I took some to Simone' and have an order for some hand size bags. For people dealing with cold disorders such as Raynaud's or heart problems, they are wonderful. My back was completely out this morning. I used my corn bag the entire time I was there. I have no back pain this afternoon. I'm not saying feed corn has any special curative materials, but the heat is very helpful.
Last night, I found a couple of lumps in my breasts. I have fibrocystic "disease" and they are probably just simple cysts. I will have a mammogram next week. I cannot be on my normal 'seven year plan' as I've been in the past with mammograms. We will NOT borrow trouble...I will ask for your prayers.
From Dr. Groopman's book on Psalm 23: "Rabbi Hamilton pointed out to me that the psalm suggests two very different scenes. The first is an idyllic one: green pastures and still water. The second is a harrowing on: the valley of the shadow of death. In the idyllic setting, God is somewhat distant and is spoke of in the third person: "he" maketh me to lie down in green pastures, "he" leadeth me beside the still waters. But then there is an abrupt shift in scene and of God's person. When the Psalmist walks through the valley of the shadow of death, God is addressed as "thou". The change to the familiar indicates that God has moved near to us, become a close companion, allaying our fear, supporting us with rod and staff, nourishing us in the presence of our enemies. Faith is most powerful when God is felt as proximal and personal."I have a very aggressive cancer. It's true; we've been through adversity before. God stands right next to us, even lets us sit in his lap, while He holds us. The times of being awestruck are vivid and true.
On the lighter side, my nurse had to speak to the dr today re: cysts/lumps. He said, she's complicated (meaning my cancer?!?) She said, she's an essay. She said he smiled and looked at her and said, "yes, you are so right - she is an essay." Jim added: no multiple choice questions.
This will explain my long posts...that made me laugh. Dr. Clark and I are bookends...he at one end of the scientific spectrum, me at the emotional/feeling end with enough logic which makes me a hard cold realist.
Loved Emily Dickenson's poem, Lisa...someone wrote recently, "where would we be without Emily Dickenson?" I agree. She spoke from her heart and wrote with incredible clarity and meaning.
Being a rear view mirror person, I see how very faithful God has always been. Though I don't always understand the reasons, I trust Him to be faithful in his work.
love to you all,
kathryn