The Wedding; No Wedding Planners Necessary

"It takes a heap of sense to write good nonsense." Mark Twain

Laverne's Wedding Parlor. A bungalow, right across the street from the county courthouse. A small white house with a front porch and a sign. "Weddings Performed Here". I'm sorry I do not have a photograph for that would tell the entire story.
We walked in to find Laverne removing hair curlers from her head. Not just any curlers, the vintage curlers. Small metal rods with little pink rubber bumpers on the ends. Each curler taken down left a small ringlet of hair. She made sure each ringlet stayed in it's place. At this rate, I wondered when we WOULD get married? We were told to go over to the health department, "catty corner" to the courthouse, across the square. Well, who doesn't love a little blood work?" Off we run to get our blood tests. Thankfully, it was painless and we left with out certificates. We passed. Back to Laverne's. Now we must go to the courthouse and get our licence. If you are wondering, yes, it looked exactly like the Normal Rockwell print. Getting The License. Jim and I looking over the VERY tall counter and people (all of them looked as though they had been there since first Roosevelt administration) scurrying around getting our paperwork in order. Suddenly, paperwork was in hand. Back to Laverne's. Tben! without any warning -a very short Baptist minister walks in - fresh as a daisy, crisp and clean, stepped toward us (remember we have not slept all night and are in that zone of s l o w; please do not speak loudly or too quickly). He missed that clue. Rather loudly he asks, as he is rubbing his hands together. "How long you'll known each other; 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 days...I don't want to know. Praise the Lord!" We didn't speak. I did have on a rather full dress, one that dropped straight down and was rather full. I didn't think about it at the time - only later did I realize the need for such questioning! "Let's get this going." Laverne and another woman were standing in what would be the dining room. I was looking inside this very dusty, old glass case, the kind that would be in an old drug store or gun shop. There were items to rent for weddings: a plastic bouquet, a garter, and for $1.75 you could get a polaroid picture. We were flat out broke. Toothbrushes took most of our cash. (and all that coffee and Jim's cigarettes took most of our cash...and we had to have money to drive back to Broken Arrow!) We decided we would just get married "clean". Nothing to hold or hand on to. The little Baptist rent a minister was so excited. "Praise the Lord, let's get moving". So on blood red carpet we stood...saying our vows; making sincere promises and just hoping the law wasn't looking for us yet. "The ring". We both nodded very lightly in the negative. Mr. Praise the Lord leaned over to Jim and said to "get the little lady a ring"..he said he would. We had one to exchange in the backseat of the car. Praise the Lord, we were glad he didn't know about THAT ring. Just like that, we were married. Praise the Lord, he said. I do not remember Laverne and my other bridesmaid shedding a tear. We just had to sign the license and pay our $15.00 and get back to Broken Arrow. Again, it was a picture perfect day outside the brothel/funeral home/wedding chapel. All of that flocked wallpaper and red carpet plus heavy drapes did not indicate what kind of day awaited us outdoors. Thankfully, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and there wasn't a police care in sight. Made it.
Mr. Praise the Lord walked us to the car. As Jim was getting into his side of the car, the little minister said, "tell her that you love her". Jim, that Navy guy who follows orders well said, "I love you.". He is standing next to my side of the car. He ordered me to do the same..."tell him that you love him." Silence. I was not in the Navy. Again he spoke the same words...only this time with a little more emphasis and feeling, "TELL him that you LOVE him." Uncomfortable silence. How could he have known my lecture about "when I love you I will tell you, but not a moment before" speech. With all seriousness oozing out of this man he once again said, very slowly, very emphatically, "TELL HIM THAT YOUUUUUUU LOOOVVVVEEE HIMMMM." I thought if I do not say something, we will be here all day long. I quickly turned to Jim and said, "i love you", said thanks, jumped into the car and said I do NOT love you and off we went, heading to Broken Arrow. I have to tell you, to this day, almost 32 years later, that was the most normal thing I had done in years. However@! we started thinking about how to tell people. And who would could tell to "break the ice". This was a very small town, news travels faster than the Concord ever did. ah! Naomi Cox. She knew us, she loved us, she was the first choice. We rolled into their business parking lot, walked into the shop. Naomi walked out from behind a back wall...her jaw was slammed to the ground. This woman is rarely without a word. Nothing. Just wide open mouth as she made wide circles around us. Shaking her head, never speaking. We left there knowing full well the entire town must know by now.
Drove into my parent's driveway and walked into the kitchen. Though it was a beautiful spring day, my mom was sitting in the kitchen, not a light on in the house. My mom. Kleenex in her hand and was in full Cheryl/Mom mode. She had her hand clutching her shirt, clutching it to her neck. We walked into the kitchen. "sniff, sniff". Hi mom. "You've gone and married that Jim Stephens. Yes, I konw. He's divorced, did he tell you that? ah, yeah, I'm aware of that. All the while Jim is leaning against the kitchen counter. Mom is speaking about him as if he was not there. The phone rings (thank goodness!) It was my dad. He spoke briefly to my mom. Then "sniff, sniff". The phone rang (just like a good play, the interuption to ease the tension). Mom answered and turned to Jim, "he (my dad) wants to talk to you." "Yes, ok, uh huh, un huh, uh huh. good bye." I asked what my dad said. He said, "you will get under my skin." Ok. I didn't know if that was a bad thing or not. I turned to my mom and said, as she was still sniffling, "for the first time in a long time I am happy. There is nothing to cry about. I am getting some things so we can leave for Virginia Beach." Mom, who never says the word "s-e-x" follows me into my bedroom while I'm tossing things into a bag. I'm standing in the closest and she is standing next to me, still with kleenex in hand and makes one comment "never tell him no" and walked out. Later, I told Jim what she said. His reply, "I really like your mom." I grabbed library books that would be due while we were gone. Next: The jewelry store. Gotta mind Rev. Praise The Lord, we are going to get the little lady a ring.
We walk in, no one else is there. It is the requisite small town jewelry store. Cases in the front and a little glassed in area where the jeweler did his repair work. Jim pulled out the "other" ring and asked if he could exchange this ring for two plain gold bands. He saw the size on the other ring and pulled out the same size for me. My fingers are not Cinderella sized. He then looked at Jim and motioned him back to the little area behind the glass. Jim walked with him. He looked at Jim, with all seriousness, and said, "this obviously is not the same girl." No,she's not." They came back out, found some wide gold bands and we made an even exchange.
Next...Jim's mom's house. By this time, it was almost 1pm. She was heading back to work. As we were pulling in, she was getting ready to get into her care. In the driveway we were met by, "O! you crazy kids, you crazy kids..shaking her head back and forth, you crazy kids." Thankfully, she HAD to get back to work or I guess we would have heard an entire day of 'o! you crazy kids.' Pause here for a moment. My mom is still making hash out of her kleenex and trying to accept this is a "happy day" - still clutching her shirt up to her chin, wondering what else will happen to her daughter. Jim's mom is muttering 'you crazy kids'. It was a wonderful day; really.
We slept quickly. Jim still had to get to VA Beach. I still had to turn in my library books. About 3:30, Jeff burst into our room, where we were dead asleep, saying "I always knew you wanted to marry a Stephens, and now you've gone and done it". 16 year olds have such a way, dont' they? At 5pm, I heard Doris coming in from work. I sleepily headed out to the kitchen and was sitting at the bar in the kitchen. In blasts my sister in law - you know, the same one who wondered if I knew Jim was home on leave. Both of them were carrying bags of groceries - all the while, their mouths are running full speed. "you know he could have married anyone (for protection of the innocent, I will make up names, there is no need to cause any more shock after 32 yrs). Yeah, he could have married Marybell or Susie or Mildred; Karen said, yeah or he could have married Millicent or Toni, but no, he married HER. Doris tossed me a present. I said thank you. I opened it to find a beautiful, long robe. I took my box and my robe and headed back to the bedroom. I walked into the bedroom and said, I think it's time we head out for Virginia Beach. Things are a little weird in the kitchen. I grabbed my things as Jim was packing up his shaving bag. We said a little good bye and headed for the library. I still find that funny. Why I ever thought about library books on the day of my wedding is beyond me. But I hated to think of having to pay a fine when we had so little money.
Between all of these events, we made various phone calls to family and friends. I don't remember all of the people I phoned; however, I remember my sister being very distraught and my friend, Ruthie, speechless...waiting on a customer in her little antique shop in Snyder Ok. Beyond that, I really have no recall. Since that time, I've heard some stories about our day, but they remain a nice blur. After alll, we were happy and ready to head out for Virginia Beach for avery nice honeymoon, right on the coast of the Atlantic Ocean. The honeymoon. The honeymoon story just fits right into our "perfect plan". That should be the last installment. Thanks for following along. Hopefully, I will get to that tomorrow.
It's early for me today...so I am feeling pretty good. Friday is coming and that's usually a return to my ol' self. Thanks for joining me. This has been more fun than I originally thought. You bored yet?
love to you all,
Kathryn