For the first time since diagnosis - I have a 2 week break from blood work. I will go back on the 3rd week and then 3 weeks after that. I have a couple of tests and waiting for one test result. All of my blood work looks good. Fatigue is ongoing; more intense than it really was when I was on treatment. It's hard work getting all of these blood cells to wake up and get moving again. Chemo affects everything from A to Z and things I have no clue about.
Changes. Life's constant. My favorite receptionist has left the center. I will miss her terribly. She's been on the front lines - such encouragement and my own personal cheerleader (me and 500 others). She is missed.
I ran into my first nurse. She too has moved to another department - it was great to see Marcia again. She was the bright spot on those early Tuesday's last winter/spring.
Feeling a little unsteady as I step out of the boat. Everyone who walks into the doors at the cancer center as a patient, looks ahead to the time they will cut back on visits, but when it happens, it is like climbing the ladder to the high dive. You decide you're going up, to prove to yourself you are brave, big and tough and yet each step up, the lump in your throat gets bigger as your mouth gets drier. Then "whoosh" you're off the board. The big "gulp" turns into a big smile, 'whew, made it'.
Now, to move even further ahead, get my legs under me again, turn the fatigue monitor to off and again, learn to live in the moment. Second guessing is part of life with cancer. I believe it takes a full year to believe you have been diagnosed - this year will be a good year to accept it and take as many giant steps forward as I can; when I can.
Good evening!
love kathryn
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