We were lazing around last night and suddenly started smelling smoke - which quickly turned into tasting smoke. Fire seems very close...not like a fire in the Bosque. Jim got up to take the dogs outdoors. He said he felt ashes falling on him. This smoke/ash is from a large fire in Arizona. The strong winds were bringing the smoke and ash to Albq and places beyond.
These are moment when I think of the pioneers traveling across the country. They too smelled smoke and felt falling ash - but in their lifetime, they had no clue how close those fires were. There was no television or internet. They either pulled their wagons into a circle and stayed put a while or pressed on. My! those were the bravest of people. In our world of constant communication I believe we have become more cowardly - needing every piece of information we can gather before we make another move.
Right now, we too are traveling with little information on Jim's situation. He is on medical leave and is still experiencing a great deal of pain and is struggling much of the day. We have information to gather to take to UNM/Mind Resource Clinic (this is my name for it - there is a proper name) or to head to AZ to the Barrow Neurological Institute. While there is comfort in knowing there are clinics dealing with neurological illnesses, we are a bit "doctor worn" and a bit skeptical of having to launch into another world of paperwork and possible more "easy answers". We would like to circle our wagons and wait for the smoke to pass.
Jim took such incredible care of me and I am trying to do the same for him. He sleeps a great deal of the time due to pain relief meds, it is a bit different for me in regard to caring for him.
We are very concerned.
We are both reading about neurological problems that are less complex - not easier to diagnose or treat, but less scary. After years of researching illnesses by looking at symptoms, this doesn't get easier. The brain is very complex. We are leary of quick answers. We've already heard 3 - and though they may be good neurologists - they really had nothing to offer in a way of taking care of his problems.
It's easy for me to want to take this on. To fix it. To find all of the answers. We are looking but we realize that God already knows what is going on. He is leading as we are looking.
As I read the other day,
"when you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter. Circumstances may not have changed, but we carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me. Together we can handle whatever this day brings." sarah young
We know there is smoke. We know there is a fire burning. We are assured in this news filled society, there are firefighters on the job. We also know God is always in these "refining fires" and we are leaning on him to know the right place to go - so this fire that Jim is experiencing will be brought under control.
We enjoyed seeing Mike, Glenda and Iris Morton yesterday. They included us in their trip to the Grand Canyon. They are dear and precious friends from my childhood and remain to this day. Thanks for the laughter and joy you brought to our home.
"Lean not on your own understanding; trust in the Lord."
love you kathryn
Mom this is for you. Two manicures unearthed fingernails. My first goal after chemo was to grown out my nails. This is a hard habit to break. phil 4 13
