Memories Are Tiny Bits of Reality...

"Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains; another, a moonlit beach; a third, a family dinner of pot roast and sweet potatoes during a myrtle-mad August in a Midwestern town. Smells detonate softly in our memory like poignant land mines hidden under the weedy mass of years. Hit a tripwire of smell and memories explode all at once. A complex vision leaps out of the undergrowth."
                                                                ~Diane Ackerman, A Natural History of the Senses
I can smell the day after graduation.  Late spring in Oklahoma.  Friends, laughter, plans for fall...but let's not move away to quickly...
1971.  High school graduation.  This year - the 40th class reunion.  I was unable to attend, but our class pulled out all the stops.  A web page was set up.  Photos were posted.  A site was opened to send notes and memories to one another.  Another page to post "the where I've been and what I'm doing now" posts.   The turning around...the looking back...life in the present. Colleges attended, marriages, children, grandchildren and moves made in these passing years.  I not only was part of the Broken Arrow reunion - but was able to look 'way back' through the 40th class reunion where I started school in Newton, Kansas.  Though our family moved away in 1967, it will always be home to me.  How fun to hear from friends from elementary/jr. high.  I cannot name every one's name.  But I do want to thank you for coming into my life, for reconnecting and for dropping by occasionally.  It's wonderful to know you are still out there : )
Today, however, there is one person I will call by name.  Carolyn Cundiff.  Beautiful girl, the right kind of 'cool' blond, infectious laughter and perfect mutterings under her breath, bring on gales of laughter.  Thank you for the beautiful CD.  How beautiful.  Across the miles, through your gardens and ranch and greenhouse - thank you for your thoughtfulness.  I must come for canning lessons.  Carolyn's canned fruits and vegetables are not only beautiful, but make my mouth water
A while back, brother in law, Jack, sent a photo of Frank's Drive-In.  I can taste the hamburgers, the fries and a "Ripper" (forgot the ingredients however).  I can see Frank standing at the window, taking orders.  Dragging Main Street in small town America.  During the gas wars, gas dropped to 19 cents a gallon for a moment. 
 Radios blaring, everyone talking at once, checking out who was with who (can you believe so and so are dating?!)  Sitting on the car at the Tastee Freeze, turning around at the old bowling alley...street races in a 56/57 Chevy.  Papering yards, summer nights.  We didn't know about "drama" back then, but there was plenty of tears and laughter and note passing. 
One night, I was out with Alisha, I think.  We were dragging main and pulled into the Tastee Freeze.  I just got situated on the trunk of someone's car...my dad pulled in.  What is HE doing here!??  He pulled up and opened the door on 'my side' and said quietly but in that voice we all knew so well --- 'get in the car'.  He believed it was "uncomely" for a girl to be sitting on the back of a car, barefoot.  I do not recall any words being exchanged.  Just that silence that stood between a 16 or 17 year old girl and her dad. 
I don't know why my brain operates like it does.  Some people have a mind for numbers and science.  Others for memorizing great passages from books or know every line from many movies.  My brain: Music.  Everything is connected to music. Rock and roll music from the late 50s through the 80s. (do not ask me about 'music' today.  i'm clueless). 
Sewn into the beat and lyrics of those songs are connected to seasons, to smells in the air - the undercurrent.  What we were eating or doing or where we were going. Name someone, I can hear their laughter and see the sparkle in their eyes.
 I retain random details like people remember baseball statistics.   People, time, place.  Of what value are these things in my mind?  In your mind? 
Every moment remembered relates to the present.  Friendships.  No matter the years that separate us; no matter the length of friendship; no matter the places we've lived.  The constant: People are so very important.  Yes.  Priceless.
  God gave us a wonderful gift as it relates to memories.  Good, bad, delightful, miserable - they have made us who we are. 
Thank you Father God for our friends and family.  For our brains; our minds.   For this present moment and for memories of the 'days gone by'. 
love kathryn

New Mexico winds.  They either sneak in on a breeze or burst upon us like a scene out of an old gangster movie.  The weapon of choice; harsh winds - blasting us with dirt, sand, enormous tumbleweeds flying through the air or rolling down the streets.  I now understand why pioneer women, living in dugouts went "mad from the winds". 
 Recovery from sickness is much the same as cleaning up from a storm.  You've been shoved around, blasted with drugs, tossed from pillar to post. Slowly, you start moving.  You feel your strength return.  Like cleaning up from a storm, one day the clean up is finished.  Out with the old, in with the new.
 Jesus came to earth on a breeze.  His birth was announced from the heavens.  Years passed.  Then
John the Baptist kicked up the breeze and stirred up the sand.  Jesus came asking to be baptized of John.  Winds changed direction.  Like the seasons across time, everyone who encountered Jesus, was never the same. His words, also carried on the winds, filled those dry, empty places in  their hearts. They were used to windstorms and eating sand. They were not used to chewing on words of Life.  Regardless of time of year they heard his voice, it was spring in their hearts.
We're experiencing spring in our hearts as well.  Jim is feeling much better.  Slowly, my strength is returning.
Though no one can explain this entire event, I was dead well over 6 hours. My body temperature was below 26 degrees Celsius; my  organs were shutting down. I had no muscle tone and did not respond to pain they 'inflicted'.  I asked my first doctor later, did my heart stop beating?  The answer is yes. My neurologist explained to Jim, Bill, Donna and Peggy,  I would not recover.  The Dr's believed I had about two days left and that would be controlled by a ventilator, warming blankets and medication.  They wanted my family to be able to see and speak to me for the last time on this side of heaven.
   Though the miraculous power of God,  I came back.  I started breathing on my own  No more ventilator.  I talked, I fought,  I got up from my bed.  Jim said I asked for my clothes.  : )  I realize this is hard to comprehend.  I cannot comprehend it myself.  I've listened to stories.  I have no  memories until Thursday of that week.  Even those memories are not fully intact. 
I am altered physically but not in anyway that you would recognize. 
I am altered in other ways.  That is a slower process.
More than anything....I know how I felt this morning.   I woke up early enough to see the sunrise break over the Sandia's.  As Kristin read the other day..."God goes before us into this new day...he already knows every moment."  Such a promise.  I trust those words...because they are words of Life.  Whether alive in this body or not. 
I still do not care much for wind...but it has a great and mighty purpose.  The Holy Spirit came in a whirlwind - a mighty wind.  Listen.  The winds may be bringing words of life to you today.
I lift my glass of orange juice, saying aloud - To Life! And to God be the Glory.
love kathryn

Declare The Good News!

Phil Parker fresh off of a 24 hour flight from Afghanistan.
 Kathryn.  Splash down! after re-entry
Photo taken either Thursday or Friday (2/16 of 17, 2012). 

It has been 5 months since I've been here.  Jim and I both have had some delightful days.  We have also had some frightening, difficult & sad days. 

Coco, our 8 year old miniature dachshund.  My protector, my charge nurse, my ever present Velcro friend died of lymphoma. She stole my heart.  I miss her still. 

We went to Teresa and Dan's for Thanksgiving last fall.  We found this little bit of stuff in Joshua TX.  The runt of a litter.  She is presently falling on her back like a brown bear, paws pointing to the heavens.  She loves taking showers.  As soon as she sits on my lap, she falls sound asleep.  Is she a narcoleptic? Lindy Rose Hopper. She is a spitfire and fills the days with laughter.  Our house is still being filled  with an odd assortment of twigs, grass, and dirt.  She and Scout like the same things.

Scattered details of last fall/winter.  Jim became very sick the first night of vacation in Colorado. He did not pass go or collect $200.  He went straight to the hospital. After a speedy release, we returned to ABQ and Presbyterian Hospital (why they do not call us and have our family do a commercial for them is puzzling...).  Diagnosis:  a huge DVT in his thigh (no signs or indicators of this large invader) AND not one but two ulcers. Jim went through month's of testing.  The final diagnosis: a damaged suborbital nerve.  He's had several nerve block shots in his head.  After months of blood thinners and a lot of spinach and broccoli, we pray this the Doppler will show the DVT has dissolved. (the test is in May). Jim has dealt with intense pain and fatigue.  He looking and feeling some better.  Our hearts have gone out to 'little old people' who are both ill at the same time.  You don't have to be little or old. Illnesses come like the March winds.  When and where they want.

First photo/a little more information.  Phil received a message at 3am from the Red Cross.  It stated my death was imminent.  He needed to get back to the States immediately.  His Commanding Officer told him to get packed and found a seat for him.  (Thank you sir).

  Phil served our country in Kandahar, Afghanistan,  doing what he does best. He is a nurse. Though I am family, he also took care of me while he was here (a tall order).

When we Skped in November, I asked him to please come to Albuquerque.  Nope.  He was arriving stateside;  out processing and going home to his family in Seattle.  The Lord liked my idea.  Not only did he come to Albuquerque, but his wife (my sister in law) met him here.  AND he arrived home two weeks early.  My entire family, my brother in law, friends from Texas & AZ and numerous friends  here embraced one another.  Friends and family who could not be here, embraced us as well. They stood in the gap and prayed powerful words. 

The doctors assure me I did in fact die, but I am back.  My neurologist said to Jim.  "She is a miracle".  I've read all of my doctor's notes.  Though I started moving in the wee small hours of Tuesday morning, I have no memories of that time.   Though I've heard I was talking, moving and even sitting up, I recall nothing of the first 3 l/2 days.  Dorothy ("Wizard of Oz") and I woke up in a similar fashion.  Both of us found familiar and dear people talking & staring at us.  Being from Kansas it just seemed appropriate to point this out.

I like to read The Divine Hours (Phyllis Tickle).  Last week I turned back to February 13th.  I'll share a few readings.  While Jim was doing chest compressions on me, these verses and many fervent prayers were being said that day.

"Be strong and take courage, all you who wait for the Lord." Ps 31:24

"You strengthen me more and more, you enfold and comfort me." Ps. 71: 21

..."our eyes look to the Lord Our God, until he shows us mercy." Ps. 123:3b

"Into your hands I commend my Spirit, for you have redeemed me Lord God."

"O Lord My God, how great your wonders and plans for us! I will shout for joy!"

The hymn for the evening was "Now The Day Is Over".  I read through the words of this beloved hymn.  Memories of this Sunday evening closing hymn are particularly poignant.  Chuck's beautiful tenor voice still echos across the years.  Though I do not recall singing this particular verse as a child; angels did most certainly attend me through the days and nights.

"Through the long night watches may your angels spread, their wings above me,

 watching round my bed."

From Ps 40

"How great are your wonders and plans for us, there is none who can be compared to you.  O! that I could make them known...but they are more than I can count!"

Thank you for flowers, plants, cards, numberless prayers, calls,

trips made here,  Love Overflowing. It is great to be back.

kathryn

A Monday In Late September

Just ate a fresh tomato from the garden.  Ilove eating little tomatoes just picked from the plant. Coco is laying next to me while Jim and Scout run an errand.
Thanksgiving and pain run down the same river. A fisherman walks into the water, sets life bait on a hook and casts the reel.  The fisherman feels a strong tug on the line and begins reeling the fish in.  The fish doesn't lay there - that fish fights for its very life.  Sometimes he wins and works his way off the hook.  Other times the fish fights and loses the battle - winding up on the fisherman's table.  There is pain, there is thanksgiving.  We are standing in that river, feeling pain. Yes, we give thanks, but this thank you has a hook.  It comes at a very, very high price.  Not monetarily.  The cost of a soul.
 I am not Paul, I'm not at the point of uttering these words and and meaning them. "Count it all joy, my friends, when you encounter suffering"...  Perhaps I need to wade a bit farther into the river, out of the shaded areas, but not in the full sunshine as the glare of that is blinding on a river.  I need to find that place where shade and sun come together - the place of greatest clarity
I still believe there is hope. For the rest of my life I believe this.
Love kathryn

Looking Up

Most of you do not need another devotional posted on my blog.  You have your favorite authors and devotionals you read. I just wrote this passage to a friend.  

"Give full attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."  The Message/Matt 6

Storms come in many forms.  We are going to stand under the cross.

love kathryn

Standing Under the Cross

Standing erect, holding our heads high, is the attitude of spiritually mature people in face of the calamities of our world. The facts of everyday life are a rich source for doomsday thinking and feeling. But it is possible for us to resist this temptation and to stand with self-confidence in this world, never losing our spiritual ground, always aware that "sky and earth will pass away" but the words of Jesus will never pass away (see Luke 21:33).

Let us be like Mary, the mother of Jesus, who stood under the cross, trusting in God's faithfulness notwithstanding the death of his beloved Child.

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen...We Have Really Good News This Evening

Jim went to a diagnostic group, Breathe A.S.A.P. There are many of these diagnostic centers around the country.  You fill our a complete medical history.  When they have done taken the necessary information and run any tests needed.  At the end of your visit, you are presented with a diagnosis and what is needed to correct the problem.  (I'm not suggesting this is for every medical disorder - my disclaimer here).
Jim has a sinus infection, deep inside his frontal sinus area.  He has had no symptoms of a sinus infection and brain MRIs indicated "white matter". Though Jim had some symptoms of M.S. that was clearly not the reason for the "white matter".  This was an indication of a sinus infection not detectable by normal means.
He also has an area in his head, where he has suffered with severe head pain.  No drug controlled the pain - it would suppress it somewhat, but it was never gone.
He was told he has an area in the frontal sinus area (where the pain has been emanating from) that needs to be opened up.  He was born with this and has just now presented itself.
Solution?  Angioplasty.  Yes, up his nose to the area right about eyebrow level.   The doctor said Jim's ENT surgeon (we have one...we have a Dr for everything and some we have multiples of) will do the surgery.  It is an "in and out" procedure.
Are we happy?  Nope, ecstatic!!!  All of this time - all of the tests including a trip to Phoenix....we have an answer.  Wow!
All of the pain Jim has and is still experiencing (but not for much longer); all of the doctors; all of the fears we have in our family of cancer - due to our journey through cancer - most humbling of all - our friends and family who have prayed for answers to this twisted mystery.  Yes!  Your prayers have been answered.  We THANK YOU God!  We thank you.  For cards, for calls, for thoughts, for your interest and love. Your love has been sustaining and is incredible.  Prayer, though a mystery is very humbling.  It is a great gift - because of Jesus, we speak directly to our Abba Father.
To Donna Estes for sharing your information re: Breathe ASAP.  Thank you, thank you! 
To Jim's doctor today - we are so grateful for his capabilities and for the technology available to help people.
We just could not be happier today.  We've needed a 'bit of good news' lately.
We're blessed.  God is good - God is good always.
From our hearts to yours, we thank you for caring for & loving us so.
Good night from a beautiful evening in Abq.
With love, kathryn and jim

Vacating Is Grand

We had a good time in Colorado.  The dogs were taken care of, Sophie had a cat sitter - who always does a great job of feeding her almost as much as I do.
We've enjoyed a cloudy day here in NM.  A harvest moon is due at 7:15pm.  I know those back east are already enjoying it.  A harvest moon is related to hayrides, pumpkins, apples, carmel apples, flannel shirts, boots, jeans, chili, hot dogs cooked outside and cold, crisp, clear skies.  Not quite here in NM...but other places are enjoying fall weather.
I found this quote today. Sometimes things come to you from the most unexpected places.  When going through times of crisis, whatever that means to you.  "Rather than think, I'll never survive this, try, I'm having the thought that I'll never survive this." You recognize that there is a problem - not avoiding it, you recognize there is a problem, but it is a thought.  All about reprogramming. Thoughts like feelings are something we deal with constantly.  God says, "Take every thought captive." 
I still believe the best way through a crisis (though I am not always successful at this) is laughter, tears and dear family and friends, who listen and make our load lighter. Learning to wait, listen, be still, pray and seek wisdom. 
We have such great examples of people who have been through crisis after crisis and never lost their grip on hope or on God.  "There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God."  We're relying on this.
Though we have every luxury of home in Colorado, it's nice to be home and have my ironing board again.  : )
Have a good evening.  Off to check out the moon.
     looking out the back door in Colorado...lovely mountain stream

love kathryn

It's Really September...Savoring the Moments

Sophie sitting in the window on Labor Day.  She napped the rest of the day.  She knew it was a holiday and took advantage of it.

One should live everyday with thanksgiving, snow, sleet, rain, hail, tornadoes, floods, HEAT of seemingly epic proportions (I do remember those days in Kansas and Okla that were extremely hot and cold).  However, September fills me with deep joy.  I am forever a fall and winter girl. No matter how old I am, I love the changes - leaves changing and falling off the trees, the skies are bluer, the green chilies roasting on an occasional street corner or market, balloons rising in the cool morning air.  I remember so many September mornings of my childhood and early adulthood.
Though I really cannot explain these feelings of fall and winter, I do know,  I find myself aligning with God and digging deeper into his Word.   Longing for Him to shape me, mold me & add new interior wells deep within me.

  "Create in me a clean heart O! God".

Today, I am reading Psalms 71.

  "Who, O God, is like you? Though you have made me see trouble, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up."

"In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame."

Thank you God for David and others who spilled their hearts to you.  Never in fear - just pouring out their hearts.  You are a Big God.  I pour out my heart and use the Psalms daily to express how I feel.  God desires for us to be completely honest with Him.  He already knows our hearts and knows also that our desire to grow in faith, hope; our struggles and pain with fear,  anger, bitterness, opens the gates of our hearts and minds to joy and comfort; healing, a deeper faith and trust in Him - this God, Our Father who loves and knows us intimately.
Though there is a rumbling at the center of our lives - not just physical but in other ways, we know that God's promises are true.  I have many doubts and fears.  I know too that satan preys on every thought that creates doubt and fear.  Like a cat pouncing on a mouse...he tears into me.  So I ask God to "incline your ear to me and deliver me from my enemies." (paraphrase mine).
For the moment and this day - I am grateful.  The hummingbirds are moving in for their breakfast.  I glanced up and saw gold glimmering at the top of a neighbors tree.  Why the neighbor's trees? For we do not have a tree that changes color in our yard.
For those on the other side of the country, be thankful for those trees in your yards and those pesky leaves you rake every fall.  Don't ever take that for granted....go out and bring some in your house - make a garland of those leaves and hang them in your window.
love kathryn

Square One...

The MRI was clear.  They apologized to Jim, but found nothing wrong.  It's a weird thing...you are thrilled nothing is wrong and yet something IS wrong. 
We may never know what it is.
We would like to believe it will go away as quickly as it came.
We know there are many, many people who live with chronic pain and fatigue and have never found an answer to their "why".
Jim will continue to do as much as he can do physically and rest when he's not able.  We've stretched our imaginations pretty far with all of his symptoms - we've looked up extremely rare disorders and blamed everything on "just stress".  I will tell you, first hand, knowing what you have is a walk in the park.  Even if it's serious.  It's this "not knowing" that can drive you over the edge. 
What we do want to say is thank you for your kindness, your inquiries, your prayers, cards, calls and support. 
Happy Labor Day.  Breakfast with some dear friends tomorrow...then head to Sears for a vacuum cleaner belt.  I keep burning them up.  Vacuuming should not be this much of a challenge.
love and many, many thanks,
kathryn

Jim...So Far

Very good news.  No tumors, no brain lesions, no pituitary problems.  He does has arthritis in his neck.  An answer to the neck pain that had not been answered.
He does have nerve damage in his face.  They will run a stationary MRI - showing 'slices' of the nerves in his face.  He has not been on any medication that will help the pain he's suffered since last winter.  The dr said they could do a nerve block today or he could offer him medication.  Jim said he would like to get the MRI done today.  No nerve block or medication until the test is done.  He is scheduled for the MRI at 6pm.  We are hopeful he will learn the results this evening or early in the morning.
Lessons to learn:  Do not run into a steel tool cabinet - head on, then run into a wooden door while carrying a solid wood desk about an hour or so later. 
It's hard to believe he's been through so many tests; so many drs - all with the same information and it took a trip to Barrow Institute to get answers.
I'll post results when the results are in.
He's still dealing with intense fatigue and balance issues.  Those are to be addressed by the dr here.  If there are no answers forthcoming in ABQ,  Mayo Clinic is only an hour by plane.  It's wonderful to have this option. 
YOU have more than blessed us with your prayers for Jim and for both of us.  We pray for your needs and concerns as we hear from you.  This is not a one way street by any means.
All in all, we feel like we can breathe a bit easier. 
More later.  Many, many thanks.
Blessings to you,
kathryn

He's Got The Whole World...Mine is Manageable

Beware of DIY sites.  I bought this globe about 2 years ago.  I wasn't sure what to do with it, but I knew something would strike me.  It did.  Paint it with chalkboard paint.  Another place to doodle and steal quotes to pen on the whole wide world.
It's still needs some touch ups, but it's almost completed.  I can see the next projects in my minds' eye.  I'm going to finish this before I move on.  I'm ready to "take on the world".
It is so nice this morning.  I went indoors to begin the purge of the kitchen counters and decided I can do that when it's too warm to be outside.  I'll do some reading and enjoy the pups.
I hope you are doing what you enjoy today.
love kathryn

Life is but a dream, but this does not involve rowing

Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving. ~Albert Einstein

I Was Once A Mother

I always enjoyed reading "Are You My Mother?"  It was sweet and everyone was kind to the new little hatchling.  That books and show like that were just comforting, funny and made you feel good about how life was going.  Learning was taking place, new words were being identified by the one being read to. Soon, so soon, she was literally covered in all of her books.  Reading them as fast as she could.  She knew the "jist" of every story at age 3, just not all of the words..who cared?  She had developed a passion for reading.  As the bystander in this little life, I had prayed for this and found my prayer answered in spades.
I also prayed the ocean would be a place of incredible delight - the vastness would not scare or be a place that felt dirty due to the sand.  To this day I see a 2 yr old - holding her arms full out, looking at the ocean and the sky...as if in worship for all she was taking in.  I said thank you.
These past few years have taken a toll on me, on both of us, that is indescribable.  We remember HER.  The core of her.  The being God created.  We are now seeing another side.  Things I cannot discuss.  I DO know this.  The precious word that God started in her is being hidden.  It's being put under a bushel basket.  She is alone and does not know where to turn.  She has chosen to turn to the world for answers and it is a void. 
We've literally prayed 1000s of prayers for her.  As have our friends and family.  People who do not know us, utter fine and precious words to God on her behalf. 
She is in so much noise (to quote a friend) she cannot hear Him knocking, every so gently upon the door to her heart.
We are confused.  We live a simple and quiet life.  We know things we cannot discuss at this time or maybe never.  We simply beg you pray for Jim and I.  We had entered the land of giants, they are all around us.  However, we know we have a God who can squash a giant with merely a thought.  Our God loves her.  Loves us.  Is not wringing his hands but is weeping the prayer of lament over his little lamb. 
Pray specifically for our anger...though it's part of this process...to use it for good.  Pray for sleep.  Jim sees a neurosurgeon on Tuesday morning in Phoenix.  We do not know (though we've asked) what he is going to say to Jim.
You are always a blessing - like gold, spun gold, in our lives.  There is not one of you who has not crossed into the fast moving waters or stood on the edge of a mountain and wondered how you were going to get out. 
We want to live in grace.  Be God's precious children.  We want peace restored as well as calm.  We may not get that.  We pray for strength to be what we are called to be.  Though surrounded by great darkness, He is the Light of the World.
love kathryn

T.G.F.A.V.G.F. (thank goodness for a very good friday)

Jim's colonoscopy was a success.  Two small polyps (just so sure he doesn't mind sharing this type of information...just sure....sure,I'm sure).  They were removed.  He does not have cancer.  The polyps are benign.  Now THAT information is the TerriFic!!!
Our nurse prayed over Jim that his doctors would find a resolution to the other problems.  To receive that kind of blessing, without a second thought on her part - the Lord spoke to her heat and she listened.  She said the Lord heals and blesses all who ask. Her touch, was healing, brought tears to our eyes - we were all blessed.  Be a blessing by surprising others in need with your prayers.  Take their hands; pray for them. It stops the pain or hurt, it sets people back on their heels - they are blessed.  Jesus touched people with his hands.  It was a blessing.  It also puts them in touch with the truth -what is truly real.  He is the lover of our souls. Whether the person chooses to know more or not, their hearts and lives are changed.  It is a mind bending, heart changing gift. It lifts the heaviness from any and all situations. We never know when those words could be drawn from at another moment.  A touch, a hug, a smile.  These things change our world....as well as theirs.

I found a blouse, purchased by the one and only owner - circa1970.  I feel so young wearing this tunic/embroidery shirt.  I am 17 again.

1. Bridge Over Troubled Water, Simon and Garfunkel 2. (They Long to Be) Close to You, The Carpenters 3. American Woman/No Sugar Tonight, The Guess Who 4. Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head, B.J. Thomas 5. War, Edwin Starr 6. Ain't No Mountain High Enough, Diana Ross 7. I'll Be There, The Jackson 5 8. Get Ready, Rare Earth 9. Let It Be, The Beatles 10. Band of Gold, Freda Payne 11. Mama Told Me (Not to Come), Three Dog Night 12. Everything Is Beautiful, Ray Stevens 13. Make It With You, Bread 14. Hitchin' a Ride, Vanity Fair 15. ABC, The Jackson 5 16. The Love You Save/I Found That Girl, The Jackson 5 17. Cracklin' Rose, Neil Diamond 18. Candida, Dawn 19. Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)/Everybody Is a Star,        Sly and The Family Stone 20. Spill the Wine, Eric Burdon and War 21. O-O-H Child, The Five Stairsteps 22. Spirit In the Sky, Norman Greenbaum 23. Lay Down (Candles In the Rain), Melanie and The Edwin Hawkin Singers 24. Ball of Confusion (That's What the World Is Today), The Temptations 25. Love On a Two Way Street, The Moments I can still sing a few lines from all of those 70's hits.  (how scared do you want to be?) Anyway...her mom, washed it, starched and ironed it and it's been a cedar  chest since 1970...mint condition - all for $12.00.  Now about those wrinkles on my neck and the man who gave me a senior discount at the movie theater - without asking......hmm. I'll leave you with my favorite photo of the moment. ..and you shall find rest for your soul...                           I am going to stand in Hope and live in Joy                                              Today. love kathryn

"There are no tulips around here so I'll tip toe through the zinnias and morning glories." sophie

Call Him and Listen

" On the day I called, you answered me, you increased my strength of soul."
Psalms 138:3

A Brief Brief Re: Jim

Another appointment to discuss findings on his latest blood work results.  He has some problems in relation to low red blood counts.  We will listen and see what we learn tomorrow.  My gut feeling?  More tests. 
It's fajitas for dinner tonight.  I hope you are enjoying whatever you like to eat on this much cooler (at least here) Monday evening.
Jack...we wish you all new A/C very soon.  There are 2 adults and 6 dogs in this house.  All are taking turns in front of the fans.
I finally finished "The Help".  A good read.  There is still a stack of books waiting to be opened or finished.  Of course, I'm always looking for just one more book to read.
My brother will soon be en route to Afghanistan.  He's been "enjoying" his time in Kuwait.  He shared with us the pleasure of finding high end port a pottys and that the view of sand is never ending....and for some reason, they have all had a steady diet of fish of every type.  (no lobster thermidor or shrimp scampi).  All kidding aside - this is serious business for him and for all of our troops. 
Let's all get and stay well for a while.  How about it?
love kathryn

E.N.T. Visit...

Dr. H saw Jim this a.m.  He is sending him for a balance test and to a Dr who will examine his vocal chords.  As for the BAER test.  The reason Dr. H said this test is not used, is due to the very obvious fact.  Jim wears hearing aids. A pre-hearing test must be performed before doing the BAER test or the results are skewed.  Even if you do have a hearing test, due to hearing loss, it may not be accurate.  He said, right now you do not need to see anyone in the neurology field.  "Good night! they will mess with your brain!!" (he's a funny guy and intelligent).  We are still waiting on the results of the blood work done last Friday.  Hopefully, we will know what has caused the anemia. 
So we just have had some good news.  And we praise the Lord for this appointment (that everyone insisted he must have) and for the follow up appointments/tests. 
I just read from Henri Nouwen's readings on solitude and poverty.  Poverty stopped me in my tracks.  Our language is limited - it's a great language, but there are deeper meanings to our words and clarification is welcome.
"Poverty is where we experience our own and other people's weakness, limitations, and need for support.   To be poor without success, without fame and without power.  But there God chooses His love...".  Jesus says, Come to me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.  When we hide ourselves in Christ, though we are burdened and many times in despair, he sends His own Spirit to comfort us and sort things out - if we are listening to His word.  I get myself in such a tangle.  The wires from my head and my heart get so twisted, they short out, shutting down power. The power is never of my own making, but I can short circuit the Power.  God comes in with new fuses and fresh wires (I love all of the colors of those wires) and rewires my entire system.  He gently, but with firmness in His voice, states these words (my paraphrase).
 "You, Kathryn, must be convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all of My creation, will separate you, Kathryn, from my (overwhelming) love. This river of love flows from my Son, Your Savior, Kathryn, Christ Jesus, Your Lord."
We believe we are on the right path.  Our paths sometimes swerve in all directions, but this sounds very promising to us.
We love you!
kathryn
(for readers...I should have edited better.  I had other things on my mind.  I hope the corrections make better sense).

Painting, Picking Tomatoes, Reading & Enjoying the Morning

  Good Morning Purple Face!

Zinnias!

Sophie likes sleeping in the zinnia bed...she is on her way over right now.

Happy Faced Zinnias.  They love the heat - not wicked heat, but enjoy showing off in the bright sunshine.

Coco and Scout found a pallet on the den floor is the best way to stay cool.  Scout caught me, but rolled over & went back to sleep.

Jim had a morning to sleep in.  I was on the patio spending time reading and doing a little research re: Jim's situation. I read enough to make me very dangerous.  So I put it away.  We are in God's care.  Dr. L. in Phoenix is going to review Jim's latest MRI.  We are waiting to find out what type of anemia he has so he can be treated for that. Staying awake may be highly overrated in the "real world".  It's not for those dealing with major fatigue issues.

Peggy phoned to let me hear the ocean this past week.  Music to my ocean starved ears.

From my morning reading: "Learn to enjoy life more...relax, remembering that I am God with you."   My paraphrase, 'walk with childlike delight, enjoying each and every thing, say out loud, I trust you, God, I know you love me and are with me."  Though we've had some detours, valleys, bumps in the road - we do laugh a lot (most of you would state our humor is quite twisted)...but we either laugh or fall into a dark place.  Laughter IS the best medicine.  We are planning a get away very soon and are looking forward to a different view - which always leads me to a different viewpoint. 

Though there are still moments we stub our toes, lose perspective and get way ahead of God, we come back in thankfulness for all He is doing in our lives.  We are in the potter's hands.  I think there have been many re-do's on this piece of clay.  One day I will get to see it and be so very amazed at what He has created from a single lump of clay.  To quote "Mercy Me" - I can only imagine. 

Meanwhile...tomatoes are coming on.  We indulged in fried green tomatoes.  Yummy!  The eggplants are full of beautiful lavender blooms and the large sunflower plants are reaching ever upward.  Looking for that brilliant summer sun.

"God comforts us not to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters."

                                                      ***from Streams in the Desert"

..."I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land...let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you."  from Psalms 143

I cannot believe it's time to returned to school.  I'm sure school teachers/administrators are not having has much of a problem with this as I am. : )

love on this Saturday morning,

kathryn

World's Tiniest Jalepeno Peppers, Ya Think??

Those are little, tiny jalapeno peppers. Look very closely. (sorry it's blurry, as I said, it's a very tiny plant!) The peppers fit the plant. It's a very healthy plant, just very tiny. 

Tomorrow is my last doctor's appointment.  I've been scanned, xrayed, poked and prodded, hemmed and hawed over this summer.  I will return to the cancer center every 3 mos. The only thing on the docket is cataract surgery for me.   

Unfortunately, Jim's health took a bad turn.  All of the symptoms and a few new ones have been with him for several months.  We've looked for the best doctor(s) and believe we've found him/them.  We heard from him yesterday.  He said he would be glad to review all of Jim's records.  We pray we are on the right path. 

No cruises, no mountain cabins, no hut by the beach.  We've had a quiet summer.  There is a season and a purpose for everything under heaven...even when we do not always understand the reason or purpose.  We've seen some incredible things during this past year plus.  We are thankful we are not on our own.  Ever. 

I'll get back to you on those peppers...

Good night from Abq.

love kathryn

The Best Thing Of This Day.....Rain!

Scout has a fear of thunder and storms. Look at those eyes! 

"I'm all a quiver!"

"Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby."
Langston Hughes